For those who wanted to know a little bit more about us..
Recently I was asked to share a little bit more about us. Although this is more about Krin than Eagle, it perhaps should give you a sense about the whole of us and a touch of the individual parts as well:
Written by Krin:
Lol, who am i?
Friends of ours can answer that question easily.
They are 'a physicist', or 'an analyst', or 'a mathematician' , or. 'an engineer' ,or 'an architect', 'a consultant of some kind', or 'an artist', 'a writer' etc....
My dad was a mathematician/scientist...
mom, i guess she was a teacher for most of her career, (although that is no longer the part that she remembers about her life anymore. Sadly. I was really sad when those memories of hers one day disappeared.)
Kiddo, is a designer..
These categories often describe not just a career choice, but also a way of thinking about the world.
For example, or so I have been told, a physicist tends to think about the world differently than an engineer etc. An artist tends to think differently than a designer.
First thought that pops into my mind to describe myself in terms of what i have brought into others lives and in terms of how I used to think about the world:
--- I am a bodymind carer/healer
-- esp considering that nearly all my life, (even from as young as age three when I first working on peoples backs for fun ) - my talent and knowledge and instinct used to be in bodymind touch therapy and massage therapy..
Ever since mom came to live with us and covid hit, though, ive been unable to do much healing and have been stuck so long in survival mode for my family, that I have become unsure of what I am still capable of doing for others as much any more?
It has become the big question.
When I asked my son what it is i do for him and mom, he answered: "you are a listener."
That makes sense.. I used to listen to bodies, but since i am not able to do that as much, I listen? Frankly though i feel like my skills at listening are still quite lacking.
So i am not sure really how to answer that question.
I am someone who wants to be allowed to be in my home with my family and who wants to be allowed to be a conduit of kindness and love and allowing.
Someone who wants to be allowed to have control over my home finally .... so we can finally convert it into a space that we feel able to welcome others to to come help be healed and refreshed and allowed to be
and to be able to use our family's home and our land to help teach them about zero waste regenerative food forest gardening and symbiosis in our quaint little urban setting.
I am someone who just wants to be allowed to save my family's home and estate and what is within.....and who wants to be allowed as much time as i need to heal it, myself, my family and all who and that comes into our lives..... and return our space all back into an even more healing regenerative refreshing space than before.
So what or who am I?
I am
- a mother/teacher/listener,
- a daughter caretaker of an elderly mother, - an experimental foodforest gardener (even have been a consultant once or twice in this area)
- a bodymind listener - i'd like to think of myself of some kind of a healer that can provide a safe mental and emotional space for others.. Id like to think I have always been a sort of a healer from early on - a sort of bodymind listener even since before i even knew how to talk , learning to listen on a different level than others tend to do...
Whatever it is that i am, I am a part of a larger whole.
Lol, on an aside,
One other interesting and rather useful side talent I personally have -- - Although i am not a chef, I do have a rather interesting talent when it comes to food that ive noticed isnt apparently as common as i thought it would be (though i am not sure i understand why this skill isn't more known by others? I apparently know how, (after looking at a ton of different recipes), to be able to recognize the similarities enough between a wide range of a multitude of recipes to make my own relatively tasty versions of super nutritious variations of food with whatever random ingredients are available?
-- when i want to be, i am also excellent at using leftovers and combining them with fresh ingredients or with whatver is around to make super delicious meals and to be able to extend nutrients and tastes out.
{Back in the day, when our ex bought such things, I could turn a single tv dinner and combine it with materials from the garden and the pantry to make a super nutritious full sized meal for several folks worth of meals).
(Its funny writing that part about food bc it is kind of ironic that i can do such things, when decades ago as a child, i had been so afraid of cooking after having been traumatized by having made a cake with salt instead of sugar, and then later in the college house i lived in, i was almost outlawed from trying to cook because three times i managed to completely burn pea soup to a smoky char when I kept starting and forgetting all about it, lol. But since those days, ive learned a LOT. Kind of helped that I got hired as a deck hand on a fishing boat with my main duty being to cook for four husky fisherman and myself. -- which was fascinating bc when i began i knew absolutely nothing about food or cooking back then. But one of the deck hands had been a professional chef and taught me what he wanted me to learn to be able to feed everyone on deck. And thus started my fascination and love and appreciation for flexibility with food.
Though I do still have to refresh all that ive learned from time to time, bc these last few years ive often been too frazzled and out of sorts to be in the kitchen.
For now, kiddo has taken over most of the main cooking with the occasional insertions from me when i am feeling more up for it.
But even though i tend to stay away from making the main meals these days, i do still know how to take a regular dinner my son might make us , and then take it a step further to make it look and seem more "eatable" for Grandma's tastes. (so far ive managed to find some ways to get more nutrients into grandma besides just the fruit and fish sticks she likes, but admittedly this task has been getting harder and harder to do each years, and our patience, and energy levels are often challenged with the more limited resources with which we can explore with to get her the particular nutrients that might helps her dementia a bit more.
One other add on:
Kiddo says: I am more a big picture sort of thinker while he is a more detailed sort of person.
Sometimes i think it is the other way around. Perhaps, I think we take turns - one person thinks big and patiently, while the other person gets focused and frustrated with the details.
Taking turns with opposing different perspectives i think has been what has helped us to be a rather decent team...
...
These days , the high stress levels often leave us more aware of our many flaws.
Ever since the divorce, we have been acutely aware of where we have been shattered. But we had started to rebuild and recreate ourselves, and heal for awhile.
but admittedly, with all the stress levels we have been under the last two years, both my son's and my own functionality has been at an all time low these last two years and the last two months especially, as the stress of not knowing just how our home is going to be saved has started to take extremely takes its toll.
We know we will find a way somehow.
-- We just haven't figure out how yet - given our current limitations...
but we also deeply believe in the concept of kintsugi. Of creating beauty from what was once broken..
We can tell how these different various aspects about us that have become a part of our lives to help us survive can be challenging for the folks around us...as they are not the traditional coping skills people are used to, but it is how kiddo and i have learned to survive...
So we have learned and are trying to learn how to appreciate these various odd bits about ourselves.
In general, we are very slow people....
with a need/survival strategy of videoing recording everything that our eyes see or that our ears hear, so our brain can worry about one less thing. (Amd i cant begin to tell you how much our doing so has helped - from finding lost objects we absent kindly put down, to helping resolve almost any conflict kiddo and I have ever had by refreshing our memories accurately to be able to see a conflict from a new perspextive when we play back and relisten to the pinpoint of where a conflict began. It has guven us amazing insight into ourselves ans our communications. And it has been a blessing in helping to keep our sanity and be a back up memory while dealing with moms dememtia and the stress of our overall lives. It has become an integral and incredible useful tool in our lives. And having the tech back up our minds, the benefits have far outweighed the minuses...
But despite that technological aid,
Often we tend to feel paralyzed if we feel overly judged or 'un' or 'mis' understood, unaccepted, and or rejected for our inabilities.
Other times we often just feel massively paralyzed by our lack of money or lack of time to do certain tasks in the ways we want them done.
We have found we do not handle feeling pressured or rushed well - tending to massively slow down and even coming to a complete stop, and unable to move if we sense someone trying to use fear tactics on us of some kind to try to manipulate us or force us or coerce us into an action.
We used to think it was our inner rebellious natures we might have, but now we are thinking it might be some strange kind of inner protective mechanisms to keep people from trying to make us do things we am opposed to doing..
Unfortunately, this iinstinct tends to be problematic for us in certain situations where we might be at the mercy of others mindsets.
A side effect is that we then tend to counteract the feeling of being pressured by others by often needing to be allowed to be the director of our own little minute little personal world.
Both kiddo & i have a couple of sensory processing disorders, ironically in completely opposite different ways, but for both of us, we both often have to stop and reset our senses and to tend get overwhelmed easily (ie this is part of why we rely on recording equipment so we dont have to worry so much about it, and so we can feel safe that the tech is recording what our minds cannot).
But we try to find a way to try to help us be in the world. Or at least we try.
We often just want to be hugged and loved and told that this is all okay.
We ever so wish to be told that we are still loved despite how we slow we are and despite how differently we do things than others do...
But overall, when it comes to finding people outside of our family, we want folks we can feel safe to say 'i love you" to.'
We want to be able to say 'i love you' to everyone, but when all that love gets rejected, we then want to surround ourselves with folks who say to us that it's all still okay. We are still okay.
. and to tell us to keep on loving ALL people..
We love you.
We want us to be allowed to practice zero waste, to take videos, to be with our family, to save our home, and to be allowed to take the time we need to be able to make the home and the land in the way we actual want it to be....
We ove you.
We love you
We love you.
We are often feeling that feeling and chanting that phrase in our heads and wishing that all the people that we love could feel this feeling coming from us in their beings...
and we so often wish that our love would help all people we encounter to help them to feel ease and peace and refreshed rejuvenated after spending time with us and this will help them in their own journey to be able to practice kindness and wonderfully patient with others.. allowing people to be themselves
.. and also to helps them heal from all their past, present and future hurts and pains..
Now if only we could also figure out how ro be paid for the time we naturally like to give people. Sigh. Then we would probably have been millionaires by this point, lol.
Our hope is to be allowed to save ALL of our family's property and to be allowed to turn each space into a demonstration edible urban food forest space.
To be allowed to create storage and living spaces on each property, so we can have a place to store what we want to keep from the main homes
and to be able to put a mini living space also there to rent out for someone else to stay in to cover the taxes.
We love you !
We want to be allowed to turn my own home into a sanctuary that people where want to come and stay and visit in often. Not a fancy place, just a nice laid back down to earth comfortable place...
So they feel connected to nature and life and themselves.
Where people pay money to come to visit us and be healed and rejuvenated and refreshed by our company and conversation...and where they get to learn a more symbiotic connecting way of being connected to nature within and inside the city realm...
We love you ...
Too much, so much an excess of that feeling.. Needing to be allowed to let it flow....
Kiddo and i are both our own single parts of a whole. But, we are both a part of this larger 'krineteagle mother/son team' entity which includes grandma while she still exists... We would like that to be accepted and allowed....
We would like to be allowed to be a part of that always and forever with noone and no thing interfering with that -- so we need friends who will both help both the whole and the individual parts of that whole.
We want a world that is open to our ideas.
Perhaps every single person/human wants that? Lol..
So much love flowing out of us into the universe. .
We want to be buffered from all the people who judge and critique us with both a financial buffer, but also by a person who can handle loving us even when others are judging us negatively.
We love you.
We want to be allowed to love you
and for it to be okay for us to be accepted and allowed to be where and how we are...
-I- To be allowed to be as we are and to be allowed to treasure and accept ourselves as we are ... and to be allowed to accept and treasure you, as you are, as well.
And to be allowed to accept and treasure other people as they are.
(This last one is oddly a concept many people have difficulty with -- bc they think if they hate a person that others should also hate those they hate. If you need to hate and fear others we understand, but we would like to be allowed to love and accept amd see the good in everyone if we can..[sometimes we have difficulties doing so when they are judging us or trying tp interfer with our lives or when we see them trying to force their will upon others, but overall we want to strive to be allowed to try to see past peoples negative attributes past to the caring and love they have underneath).
Underneath all bitterness and resentment and hate and fear and panic is a love for something. When you connect to the love underneath then all the negative stuff just becomes a shield layer to see underneath.
So much beauty underneath.
So much love for the celebration for the spark of life that each person and entity has deep within themselves.
We connect to that part of you whixh celebrates life.
..
We are thinkers, philosophical autobiographical writers, dreamers, teachers - someone trying to be filled with hope.
Hope For the Ideas we want to see happen, for our home, for our family and for ourselves..
We do so hope you will be a part of this dream and help find a way you can also be a supporter of our dreams for our family's home and for our ideas.
Amen
September 2024