Most commonly asked question from my dating profile :
what do you mean about using technology as your tool to help you function?
Or
what do you mean by having a synthetic back up memory?
To help you understand our connection to technology a little bit better, it would help if you have some history, that is, if you don't mind me over sharing a little bit much about ourselves?
If you are okay with it, I will try to explain it in the 4 parts below.
I could try to write less bc I know when I write too much it is hard on people,
but my hope is that my longggggg stream of conscious style is more helpful to having my ways be more understood by those who do take the time to understand...
Please wait till all four sections are shared b4 responding .. :)
:)
If you are okay with it, I will try to explain it in the 4 parts below.
I could try to write less bc I know when I write too much it is hard on people,
but my hope is that my longggggg stream of conscious style is more helpful to having my ways be more understood by those who do take the time to understand...
Please wait till all four sections are shared b4 responding .. :)
:)
Part one)
To understand the history:
when I was younger, & i used to do a lot of candid photography capturing people in a special moment capturing the specialness of life in a way that would help people see and remember the joy and celebration or the poignancy of a time in their life.
Later, As a parent, i also found out how incredibly useful a tool it was to help kids (and myself included) with any changes and/or transitions.
(I was always awed how kids would put their toys away faster if they could 1st reassure themselves with a photograph of their creations first)(or how kids would get more involved at places that were less interactive if they were allowed to use a camera to capture what was special to them with a photograph).
So throughout life I noticed how helpful recording technology could be.
Then ,
later in life, three incidents occurred that left both kiddo and i using the recording technology as a tool to get ourselves to be able to feel safer interacting with the world.
The first rather important incident was a sensory shut-down experience I went through...( I've always had an interesting issue with my senses of processing sound/sight/touch a little different then most people, but), When this event happened, I was in the middle of a New York city airport with my 8 year old son at the time after a stressful week's worth of putting everyone else's needs 1st (and lack of care of myself) caught up to me & I suddenly became less able to process & function.
To understand the history:
when I was younger, & i used to do a lot of candid photography capturing people in a special moment capturing the specialness of life in a way that would help people see and remember the joy and celebration or the poignancy of a time in their life.
Later, As a parent, i also found out how incredibly useful a tool it was to help kids (and myself included) with any changes and/or transitions.
(I was always awed how kids would put their toys away faster if they could 1st reassure themselves with a photograph of their creations first)(or how kids would get more involved at places that were less interactive if they were allowed to use a camera to capture what was special to them with a photograph).
So throughout life I noticed how helpful recording technology could be.
Then ,
later in life, three incidents occurred that left both kiddo and i using the recording technology as a tool to get ourselves to be able to feel safer interacting with the world.
The first rather important incident was a sensory shut-down experience I went through...( I've always had an interesting issue with my senses of processing sound/sight/touch a little different then most people, but), When this event happened, I was in the middle of a New York city airport with my 8 year old son at the time after a stressful week's worth of putting everyone else's needs 1st (and lack of care of myself) caught up to me & I suddenly became less able to process & function.
Luckily kiddo was one of those genius kids, and was able to take over.
Between his using the subway maps to navigate our way around the city, and my own looking at the world through the eyes of the phone's camera whenever I had to look up (which was somewhat more doable at the time), we were able to get us to the hotel.
It amazed us how the power of technology could be useful to help me be in the world even when all my sensory capabilities were nearly completely fried...
..
Incident two & three are more complicated stories involving other people's brains and the problems that were caused us by their own lack of memories, but combining those other incidents with watching our own grandmother go through the slow decline of dementia,
what we've ve been learning about the human mind is how fragile, biased, and fickle it's abilities are to be in the world and to remember anything accurately.
And how important it is to have something besides our own memories, bc without hard copies of documents or photographs or video's to back our memories up, as far as others are concerned when it had come to some rather important matters, our own memory might as well have not existed...
It left us being deeply afraid of people in general, and also aware of our own limitations as a human even more so.
But by allowing ourselves to record the world with the technology that is available, we have found ways to be slightly more comfortable to be around people and to interact and do things.
Part two)
So basically, we exist with the help of back up technology, trusting in it's memory and ability for an unbiased recollection over human memory, and also trust for it's awareness and ability to capture attention to details that otherwise might be missed.
(I can't tell your the number of times we have found things we have lost by going back to a recording, and figuring out where and when we lost it , and locating things that way),
( or the number of times kiddo & I have solved our own conflicts by going back and listening to our conversations together to figure out where and how the miscommunication occurred,, and in doing so , also getting a far better understanding of where and how our brains had a biased memory and perspective).
It also has been an incredible tool to help me keep my sanity as moms memory started going, (as her insisting that if she didn't remember something then well, it didn't happen - (a concept that was so similar to those two earlier incidents where I learned that if there wasn't a physical document showing proof of an incident, (or these modern days, some kind of technology (photograph, video, or audio recording of it)) having recorded an event, then it basically may as well never happened to begin with. ((Luckily in a nearly all the incidents I did have physical documentarion proof to reassure myself that it wasn't my own memory that had gone awry at the time. But it has left me cautious.))
We learned the hard way how our memories are pointless if no-one else remembered the same thing.
So basically, we exist with the help of back up technology, trusting in it's memory and ability for an unbiased recollection over human memory, and also trust for it's awareness and ability to capture attention to details that otherwise might be missed.
(I can't tell your the number of times we have found things we have lost by going back to a recording, and figuring out where and when we lost it , and locating things that way),
( or the number of times kiddo & I have solved our own conflicts by going back and listening to our conversations together to figure out where and how the miscommunication occurred,, and in doing so , also getting a far better understanding of where and how our brains had a biased memory and perspective).
It also has been an incredible tool to help me keep my sanity as moms memory started going, (as her insisting that if she didn't remember something then well, it didn't happen - (a concept that was so similar to those two earlier incidents where I learned that if there wasn't a physical document showing proof of an incident, (or these modern days, some kind of technology (photograph, video, or audio recording of it)) having recorded an event, then it basically may as well never happened to begin with. ((Luckily in a nearly all the incidents I did have physical documentarion proof to reassure myself that it wasn't my own memory that had gone awry at the time. But it has left me cautious.))
We learned the hard way how our memories are pointless if no-one else remembered the same thing.
With the help of technology, we've learned how even if we may at some times have a better memory then many folks about some things, how even wecan remember things inaccurately from time to time, especially because of the human inability to be aware of everything and every little detail.
By trusting in the technology to record the world around us, it also allows us to pay attention to what our brain wants to pay attention to , knowing the technology is picking up on everything else.
Part three:)
So, it's basically how we feel halfway safe participating in the world.
So basically as a rule of thumb now , all conversations that kiddo , mom, & I have get recorded now.
When transitions or changes occur or
when we see anything that our eyes see as relevant or important or worth remembering, a photograph is taken..
if it is esp important,
So, it's basically how we feel halfway safe participating in the world.
So basically as a rule of thumb now , all conversations that kiddo , mom, & I have get recorded now.
When transitions or changes occur or
when we see anything that our eyes see as relevant or important or worth remembering, a photograph is taken..
if it is esp important,
or if I am feeling ancy, (which I am prone to be), or just if a moment is special to us in any way, or if we just want to remember a moment, a video is taken.
(By the way, ive noticed something interesting -- that if I personally havent verified if there is a recorder on, then that's actually is not a good sign -- bc then it means I don't want to remember or I have entered into a non-caring mood. (So, it lets you know if something might be awry with me. ) The happier I am about something, the more I want to remember, -- [with at least an audio recorder if nothing else])
But, ... if there is a big physical change occuring to my surroundings of some kind, then I often need to video from more the one angle. < When that happens, I need people around me who are super super super patient with my slowing down to a super snail speed. >
(This is my other big flaw, by the way: In general, I am slow - what others can do in ten minutes, can take me hours, days to do or longer bc my senses get overwhelmed easily,, and I have to stop to reset often,,
or slow down a lot to get my brain caught up. )
So, the word 'fine' is relative.
I have a lot of great things about me, esp when it comes to empathy, and touch therapy, and beng able to help others with conflict problems, or finding outside the box solutions,
but I also have a lot of curious little flaws, which can be hilarious if you have a sense of humour ((and a lot of patience)),
but i can also be rather trying on the impatient types of folks,
or for those folks who have a higher need for short term efficiency and instant gratification over long-term efficiency and delayed gratification..
(i am better at long term efficiency and helping other with long term gratification - if they have the patience for it, lol -)..
Basically with me,
you would need to be amused easily by my ways, being able to laugh at the oddness , and to be able to be patient with it in a positive amused sort of way.
...
Part four ;)
As for the technology stuff,
you can ask us not to label a recording so that the data becomes background noise data that's nearly impossible for us to distinguish and/or find later on, (esp after a few months -(unless the ai recognition ever gets better)),
Or in certain cases, (where video would be less appropriate), switch to just audio with only an occasional photograph,
but you cannot ask us to turn all audio recording devices completely off bc you just happen to be embarrassed to say what you have to say.
(There is a lot we have said that would be horrifying if it ever got out, out of context)
but in all things in life,
regardless if one is recording or not,
It's probably wiser anyways to practice mindfulness of ones words and actions in general,
bc you really do never know what people will actually remember. (We have always been super startled by what people do or dont remember in life.)
By our recording life, id like to think that it leaves us perhaps a little more mindful. In reality, it doesn't always, but sometimes it helps, I think.
Lol.
I understand that it leaves some people scared to be real and themselves around us, but I've personally found that it has helped to us become more accepting of ourselves, and more accepting of what is real about us.
And we find that those who ARE comfortable with it, tend the be much more enjoyable people to be around in general, with a light for life that is a joy to be around and tend to be people I generally feel safer to be around...
That is, Generally speaking... Lol...
As for the technology stuff,
you can ask us not to label a recording so that the data becomes background noise data that's nearly impossible for us to distinguish and/or find later on, (esp after a few months -(unless the ai recognition ever gets better)),
Or in certain cases, (where video would be less appropriate), switch to just audio with only an occasional photograph,
but you cannot ask us to turn all audio recording devices completely off bc you just happen to be embarrassed to say what you have to say.
(There is a lot we have said that would be horrifying if it ever got out, out of context)
but in all things in life,
regardless if one is recording or not,
It's probably wiser anyways to practice mindfulness of ones words and actions in general,
bc you really do never know what people will actually remember. (We have always been super startled by what people do or dont remember in life.)
By our recording life, id like to think that it leaves us perhaps a little more mindful. In reality, it doesn't always, but sometimes it helps, I think.
Lol.
I understand that it leaves some people scared to be real and themselves around us, but I've personally found that it has helped to us become more accepting of ourselves, and more accepting of what is real about us.
And we find that those who ARE comfortable with it, tend the be much more enjoyable people to be around in general, with a light for life that is a joy to be around and tend to be people I generally feel safer to be around...
That is, Generally speaking... Lol...
Grin, I hoped that all that history and explanation both helped explain and reassure ;). Happy embarrassed humbleness.... :)
,..,...............................................................
The part below is for the other often frequently asked questions dealing with sexuality which I actually did not have a good answer for because I did not know the answer.
I was going to delete it from this particular website, but it's asked so often, I thought I would go ahead and leave it up.
Question: do i record sexual encounters?
To be honest, I do not fully know the answer to that question as I have been essentially celibate since the divorce.
There was a small period before we started caring for my elderly mother & COVID hit, when I had some 'liasons' with people who spent the night after staying up all night chattering away with kiddo & I.
The audio recorder was left on bc it was still mostly just conversation with just a tiny amount of some minute intimacy..
This is just a guess, but I suspect I would not be okay with that kind of an encounter being 'video' recorded?
Which is probably a shame bc I hear that women who are willing to do that make a LOT of money, sigh....
But we live in a world where if a video like that ever got out, we would lose our ability to use the Patreon services for our YouTube channels. :(
There was a small period before we started caring for my elderly mother & COVID hit, when I had some 'liasons' with people who spent the night after staying up all night chattering away with kiddo & I.
The audio recorder was left on bc it was still mostly just conversation with just a tiny amount of some minute intimacy..
This is just a guess, but I suspect I would not be okay with that kind of an encounter being 'video' recorded?
Which is probably a shame bc I hear that women who are willing to do that make a LOT of money, sigh....
But we live in a world where if a video like that ever got out, we would lose our ability to use the Patreon services for our YouTube channels. :(
But,
even if that problem didn't exist, news stories & shows & takes of how peoples lives have been ruined by such an act being "leaked" has left a negative fear of the idea of that beautiful lovely intimate scene being video recorded. Which is sad, I think.
I will be honest though, (apologies if this bothers you): I admit I am not a big fan of the exploitation of the base form of love making overacted, over dramatized and over displayed in the film industry in often a rather overly coarse, often unnecessaryly boorish ways much to my sadness.. I often feel that they have turned something amazing into a more sordid unnatural way of being. .
Occasionally I will see a show that captures the beauty of it, but I feel like it's rare. Though Ive noticed some korean shows sometimes hint at it in a nice way.
Anyways, for me, the depiction of it --
it's like child birth...
Did you know that before film, women didn't always automatically associate pain with child birth. (A feeling of profound almost unbelievable Intensity yes, but excruciating needed where drugs are automatically needed kind of pain..no.)
But the shows & media & stories depict it that way, so women thinks that is how it should be.
Luckily before I gave birth to kiddo, I had that programming undone for me with the help of some hypnobirthing, so for me, labour, (albeit intense enough that I did have to pause to breathe for a minute while I was in the middle of conversation with our friend's wife), it was still an awesome experience.
Same thing happened to the world of love making in my opinion... People got reprogrammed of how they they think it should be bc of how the media displays it...
Instead of just allowing a natural flow of whatever comes naturally.
(It bothers me a little, even though I understand it.)
Lol, side thought...Having unschooled kiddo the last 17 years, I've been learning a lot of how a lot of what people assumed to be true in life are often just mere ideas imposed on us by culture and peers,,, and its been interesting to watch how minds can perceive the world when they are allowed to develop without quite so many traditional biases super imposed on them.
But I digress..
I suppose that would be one reason for videoing...to document a more natural way of connection?. so after humans are long gone, they may be some documentation of what was real & natural .. but then again, i don't think I would be a good person to know what was natural without media influence anyways anymore myself ... Maybe when back when I was young and still naive?
Though in some ways, its been so long since I have found someone that i felt safe enough to be that way with again, that I don't know...
So I think the answer is that I don't know if I would want my own involvement with that form of intimacy recorded.. bc sadly I think I have too much fear overlayed on me by the film world...
maybe If I wasn't afraid maybe ..
I do tend to have a need for conversations to be recorded, but i dont know.. probably I'd leave the audio recorder on, but be quiet in my love making, is my guess?
In a way I secretly do wish I felt safe to do more then that..and maybe one day I will make get braver.. I suppose on rare occasion,a part of me might wish I was able to feel to safe enough to do so....but
I also don't really know how to make myself feel safe enough for anything more then audio though.
I think maybe I fear other people too much I think for anything more, maybe? At a certain point, there is the risk factor.
Maybe there is a way to feel safe to record it visually without being afraid, but I do not know that way yet.
Apologies for the unclear answer.
That first question is something I still have to ponder I guess. I suppose it all may depend upon who or what becomes a part of our world.
I am acutely aware that whomever takes over my ex's share of the home will probably have a lot of influence over our world and our lives.
And that we are going to have to figure out how to adapt to another person co-owning our home with us all over again.
Which is going to be interesting, albeit not without it's challenges,
but no matter how our lives turn out we are going to need people in our lives, so the best thing for us is to try to get ourselves to be as open minded as we can strive to be.
And we do like sharing what we've learned about the world with others, :)
In so many areas, I often think I am set in my beliefs and ways,
but I am also aware that life is like an ever amorphsizing amoeba..
The world and it's views are everchanging and adapting....
Meditative pondering.....
..
As for your question, "can we text?"
Lol, yes!
Lol, does anyone ever actually say 'no' to that question, lol?
Yes Sure yes, okay, lol
Although do keep in mind that the phones here are interchangeable and accessible to everyone bc we use the phones more for way more tools then as a phone and we just use whatever can be found charged and with memory space.
That first question is something I still have to ponder I guess. I suppose it all may depend upon who or what becomes a part of our world.
I am acutely aware that whomever takes over my ex's share of the home will probably have a lot of influence over our world and our lives.
And that we are going to have to figure out how to adapt to another person co-owning our home with us all over again.
Which is going to be interesting, albeit not without it's challenges,
but no matter how our lives turn out we are going to need people in our lives, so the best thing for us is to try to get ourselves to be as open minded as we can strive to be.
And we do like sharing what we've learned about the world with others, :)
In so many areas, I often think I am set in my beliefs and ways,
but I am also aware that life is like an ever amorphsizing amoeba..
The world and it's views are everchanging and adapting....
Meditative pondering.....
..
As for your question, "can we text?"
Lol, yes!
Lol, does anyone ever actually say 'no' to that question, lol?
Yes Sure yes, okay, lol
Although do keep in mind that the phones here are interchangeable and accessible to everyone bc we use the phones more for way more tools then as a phone and we just use whatever can be found charged and with memory space.
There is no "kiddos" phone or mom's phone here. We just use whatever is working and available right then at that moment.
We can also use telegram
and email
The two latter ones actually work better somtimes for me sometimes, since I do tend to write a lot
((and texting apps dont usually allow for that, sadly -- unless your phone can handle long texts? :) ))
But I will do my best to make my texts shorter and still understandable then what I write on here. Challenging but doable. Lol. Laughing at myself.. Grin.....
We can also use telegram
and email
The two latter ones actually work better somtimes for me sometimes, since I do tend to write a lot
((and texting apps dont usually allow for that, sadly -- unless your phone can handle long texts? :) ))
But I will do my best to make my texts shorter and still understandable then what I write on here. Challenging but doable. Lol. Laughing at myself.. Grin.....